Cybertronian Sugar Rush
by CatgirlKitsune
Summary: Drabbles. Crack. Mostly. Fleshies getting stuck in horrible places. The finer sides of high-grade energon. Bumbling through that weird, alien, 360 tango.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N:** These are non-related drabble, short story idea things. I like to free write and sometimes some of the things I write are pretty amusing. Because of this most of these things might be crack. Other times they might involve a serious topic and invoke serious feels. This is of the crack variety._

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**_Save Me Mr. Megatron Sir!_**

Soundwave ducked as something flew at him. They were just throwing things at his face. What was their problem? It wasn't like he had done anything to them. He was just minding his own business when they came out of nowhere and started throwing things at him.

Who were they? Numerous small little fleshies. Tons of them. They had stormed through a groundbridge and started attacking him. He knew he should be squishing them, but ever since he had gotten juices into his inner most workings, he had decided to never squish a human again. They just somehow managed to stick to everything!

His tentacles covered his face as he internally whimpered and ran out of the room, thousands of tiny feet resounding on the metal behind him.

_[[Mega-chan! Help me!]]_

He screamed out mentally for help and felt a resounding anger respond. Thank god his hunny-boo Megsies would always rescue him. He could always count on his Lord and Leader. Soundwave's long arms flailed about behind him as he ran further away from the squishies, resounding thuds echoing off the halls as he ran.

His spark soared when he heard the tell-tale roar of his beloved and he chirped in happiness. Megatron appeared around the corner of a hallway and he ran full out towards him. Soundwave's tentacles curled in pleasure and his spark settled in relief when Megatron continued to run past him and blast away at all the fleshies. He sighed in admiration as he watched the charred remains of human organs fly through the air. There was just something about Megatron obliterating human fleshies that brought out his rugged handsomness.

He watched as Megatron squashed the last fleshie under his foot before those eyes turned to Soundwave. Burning red staring into his own with rage and hunger. Soundwave laid a servo on his forehead as Megatron grabbed him around his slim waist and pulled him to his chest.

"They didn't hurt you, did they, Berry-chan?"

Soundwave beeped in a no before he leaned forward to nuzzle his blank face screen against Megatrons. Megatron huffed before clicking the secret panel below his chin that withdrew the screen. Soundwave's lips quivered as he stared up into Megatron's heated inferno eyes. He held his non-existent breath before Megatron finally leaned down and captured his lips in a bruising kiss.

Their tongues twirled and mixed in a secret dance that was only known to cybertronians. Numerous clicks and beeps came from Soundwave in pleasure and Megatron chuckled at the sounds. His arms curled around Soundwave's hips tightly before clawing at his sides as he pulled away. The scratches sent a shiver up his spine and he whined for more. Megatron however denied him and grinned devilishly at his stubborn pout. He then turned back to the mess that was the thousands of squishies and frowned. He activated his comm link and started communicating with the other bot on the line.

"Starscream, get your aft over here now. You have a mess to clean up."

"Wha—but master! Isn't that best left for the—"

"Now Starscream! Or do you want me to tie you to your berth again and let Predaking have its way with you?"

Soundwave giggled inwardly when he heard the frightened screech of the seeker. It was always amusing seeing Starscream suffering.

"No-No master…I'm still sore from last time…"

"Good."

Megatron shut off his comm link before turning back to Soundwave. He grinned ruggishly.

"Now come Soundwave, I have vile goo that has to be cleaned from my most inner workings. I will need the help of your…nimble fingers."

Soundwave shivered before following after his master. He always loved when he got to clean his Master. It always led to a nice relaxing after noon. His tentacles writhed in anticipation.

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_**A/N:** I crack up whenever I read over it myself. xD_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N:** It's Starscream this time. I think he might be PMSing._

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_**Don't Throw Tantrums On the Beach: Sand Gets in Everything**_

Starscream sat in his chair as he lazily coasted along a beach somewhere on this dinky little dirt of a planet. He couldn't really believe how bad his luck had been lately; losing his T-cog, not being able to do anything, not being able to fly, being everyone's virtual whipping boy. Who had he pissed off so much?

Oh yeah, it was Megatron. How come he was always the leader? Starscream could be just as good of a leader as he could, probably better, with lots of drapery and gold to boot! But no, everyone had to prefer Megatron to him. Wasn't he pretty? Did no one like him?

Starscream pouted and scowled when he felt the hover craft slowing down. He growled and twisted the handles of the infernal thing to try and speed it up. What the hell was wrong with it? Why was it slowing down now? The craft slowly crawled to a stop and Starscream couldn't help the bout of anger that left his body in a scream.

"AUUUGH! Stupid fracking mother-sider of a glitch-sucker on a rust infested piehole!" He finished off his rant with a solid kick to the scooter. Just how much longer was he going to have to put up with his? His shapely legs could only take so much idleness. His beauty depended on being free and in the skies!

Starscream sniffled before slumping down besides his scooter and curling up into a ball. He was a seeker, he wasn't meant to be grounded. How long could a seeker last on the ground before he went completely crazy?

"It's not faiiiirrr….."

Little beads of energon left his cheeks as his lip trembled below him. He started hiccupping as all the emotions he had been holding in suddenly decided to come out. A high pitched wail broke out across the clearing before Starscream fell onto the ground and started rolling around in the sand, servos pounding into the grainy earth in frustration.

"Not fair! Not fair! Not fair! I want my t-cog baaaaack…."

His energon tears mixed with the sand below him and created an uncomfortable sandpaper feeling on his faceplates. He blinked and came out of his rage at the uncomfortable feeling. He rubbed a hand against it and flinched at the way it hurt as it grinded against his cheeks. Was the dirty little planet conspiring against him too? Was he destined to have no friends? His anger came back again.

"Fine then! I don't need you! Or your stupid pretty thighs! Or your commanding voice! Or your awesome army that I totally don't want to be in charge of! Stupid, stupid Megatron! This is all your fault!"

He moaned and fell back onto the sand, groaning a second time when he felt the energon mixed sand rub further into his beautiful face. Screw it; he was destined to be a loser anyway. Might as well go the whole mile. He jumped up with a determined look on his face and ran towards the ocean. He was going to have fun!

The waves crashed against his metal feet as he ran further into the ocean, but he didn't care if it would cause rust on his inner most parts if he stayed in too long. He was beyond caring! He hated everyone! They could all just die for all he cared.

He jumped with a final push and landed far into the ocean. His systems flashed red with warning signs of sudden system temperature change and he squealed at the sensation. All the precious depressive thoughts flew from his head and he desperately tried to wade back to shore. It was slow going though; a huge, heavy, alien robot didn't get much buoyancy.

His thoughts came back to a sane, coherent mess as he slowly walked back to the shore at the bottom of the ocean. His circuits must have been fried recently from all the stress he had been through. What would it take to bribe a medic to look them over?

The field medic was a softie at heart, but he doubted Ratchet would look at him without blabbing to the Prime. Knockout was the more viable option, though he would probably ask for something more dubious in return. Face the Autobots or owe Knockout something?

He'd rather trick the Autobots in believing he was turning good then have to owe Knockout something. Knowing that perverted bot he'd demand for Starscream to pay him back with his body. That so was not happening.

Starscream cycled fresh air into his systems when he finally broke the surface of the ocean water and crawled back over to his hover scooter. He really just wanted this horrid nightmare to be over. He grimaced. Ugh, now he had sand in all his inside joints. It was official, he hated this planet.

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_**A/N:** :D My mind is a crazy place. We should have a party there someday._


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: **Knockout this time. Heh. Most likely before the war, Knockout is discovering he's probably gay.  
_

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_**Bedazzle Me**_

Knockout ran to the bar in his haste to get away from Breakdown. He hadn't really been around that long, but he knew this wasn't good for him. There was just something in the air between them and it was starting to get on his nerves. How was he supposed to react when he was confronted with the idea that he might kind of have a thing for him? It was crazy. He didn't like mechs, he liked femme booty. But apparently his processor was disagreeing with him.

_Come on Knockout_, he said to himself, _pull it together_. He pulled out a seat at the bar and sat down with a sigh. He really needed some high grade right about now. He waved two-fingers at the barman to signal wanting a shot. The barman nodded back before a shot of high grade energon was sliding towards him on the long table. How did he go about this? Tell Breakdown? Just suddenly come on to him? Jump him?

He chugged the shot down before signaling for another one and laid his head down on the cold metal of the bar. His plating shivered but he welcomed the startling sensation. He needed to cool down. All these thoughts of Breadown's aft just kept running through his processor and he needed a break from them.

Knockout tapped his fingers on the table in front of him and he thanked the bartender when another of the shots appeared in front of him. He downed it with a wayward thought. Maybe he just needed to distract himself from Breakdown. Get some new aft to amuse himself with. Run with the ladies and seduce one of them. His processor flew to the slim form of the scout bumblebee and he threw his glass to the ground with a started yell.

What the hell was wrong with him?! Why did he like mechs all of a sudden?!

"Oi! We don't need no one messing up our shit in here! Get out if your just gonna mess our shit up yo!"

Knockout grumbled but left anyway. The door swung behind him with an eerie squeak as he walked into the dark side streets of the Cybertronian slums. He really, really needed to get this train of thought out of his head. But what could distract him? His eyes caught the yellow glowing sign of a bedazzling parlor and he gasped in delight at the idea. Of course, a good bedazzle always cheered him up!

He skipped into the shop and winged down one of the workers.

"Hey, how much would it cost to get a special job done on the little doctor?"

The worker he had flagged down smiled at him and Knockout gulped when he realized who exactly it was. It was the cute scout Bumblebee. Shit, his luck really was horrible today. Bumblebee's baby blue eyes looked at him across from the counter with a smile, his optics twisting in innocent delight.

"Not much sir. Just a simple 50 credits."

Knockout cycled air in a nervous fit before trying to calm himself down. But dammit the scout wasn't helping his questioning sexuality! He took out his credit chit and watched from lowered optics as the scout rung up the price. He may be a mech, but he really was quite pretty; shining blue optics, clean silver metal face plates, and delicious curves at his waist. Even better was the pouty lips that just seemed to call to him. Maybe it wasn't so bad to like other mechs as well as femmes. Maybe he could be okay with it if he got to interface with bots like Bumblebee on a regular basis. Hmmm, maybe he wouldn't mind a few come-ons when he was getting the job on his spike done.

"Here you go sir." He was handed his chit back and Knockout smiled in bemusement at the scout. He noticed that he was starting to blush a bit. How cute. "This way please."

Knockout stared at Bumblebee's back as he followed him down the hall. His eyes drifted south and he grinned at the way those hips shifted back and forth as he walked. He could get used to this.

"Just sit in this chair and I'll be right with you."

Knockout relaxed in the padded chair and stretched his limbs out. His grin got even wider as thoughts of teasing Bumblee floated across his processor. He would make the small scout shiver in pleasure.

"A bedazzle job of the sqike, correct?"

Knockout jumped at the voice and turned to find not Bumblebee on the other side of the voice, but a stunning red and blue mech. If it was possible, his arousal spiked even further then it had when he stared at the scout. Who the hell was this and what did he have to do to tap that aft?

He cleared his throat before relaxing back into the chair. His eyes lingered on the taller mechs frame.

"Yes, that's correct."

The mech nodded with a small smile and he walked around to the few cupboards to collect the tools he needed. Knockout was busy staring at his aft.

"So, what's your name? I'm Knockout."

"Hmm? Oh, it's Orion Pax. It's nice to meet you."

_Yes, nice to meet you too_, Knockout thought, _very nice_. Orion hesitated in front of the chair Knockout was in before a blush came across his face and he cleared his throat.

"If you could…release your spike? I could get to work."

Knockout smirked and brought his already hard spike out. His grin widened even further when he saw the blush darken on those cheeks. This guy was too attractive for his own good.

"I'm at your disposal, Orion."

Orion sputtered before bringing a rolling chair close and reaching out with hesitant hands for the spike. It twitched when the tips of the fingers brushed his spike and he smirked in amusement.

Yes, maybe liking mechs wouldn't be so bad.

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_**A/N:** fnruespnruingui I'll just roll away while you contemplate this._


End file.
